Talk to the Human™

Have you actually heard how often people are using the word actually lately? Not just in regular life, but in the news and advertisements as well.

Here’s an idea, keep track of the number of times you actually say “actually” during the day. When you catch yourself, repeat the sentence without the extra superflous word and see if you really needed it.

If you are a Toastmaster, add the word to the Ah Counter report and see what you learn…

Judges training today in Springfield was a lot of fun. No…No…I haven’t been drinking.

Making a few adaptations on the fly really made the session go well, and I was able to elicit a few laughs in an otherwise dry topic.

Mistake: Not establishing a Q&A policy up front
Adapt: I had a few questions early and then made sure folks knew it was okay to interrupt – this made it easier to cover the ground they cared about most

Mistake: I didn’t use the PowerPoint slides
Adapt: Oops…that wasn’t a mistake

Mistake: I didn’t really have a good phrase to latch onto
Adapt: When I had everyone repeat “Pick A Winner!” as one of the important points to remember, one member in the audience (I’ll call him Tony) decided to repeat it pretty regularly throughout the presentation. So I did what I could to encourage it, including tossing my pen at him when he shouted it out randomly later in the presentation (No Tonys were injured in this presentation)

Mistake: I was worried that my closing might not be memorable
Adapt: I managed to do something I’ve seen work really well with other (better) speakers; I led the audience to the part where they finished my presentation with “PICK A WINNER!”

It helps to have a good level of expertise on a topic to do these types of adaptations. After all, Q’s are just embarrassing when you don’t have the A’s.

The truth is I had a good time, and I think the audience did too. If you can say that, chances are you can feel good about your presentation, even after the 5 hour drive home…

Do you sometimes receive feedback that you don’t really want (or don’t even need) to hear? How does it make you feel to receive unsolicited feedback? 

In fact, does it matter if the unsolicited opinion comes from someone you totally respect or someone you don’t even know?

It’s human nature to notice perceived flaws and to look for ways to fix them. It’s even becoming a normal practice in society to go to that person with the potential flaw and offer up a suggestion just to help. I’ve seen this countless times at Toastmasters contests, and I’ve observed the facial expressions of the recipients (and yes, I have done it myself).

Last year I attended the Toastmasters International Convention in Connecticut. Early in the week, some of us were fortunate to be able to watch a finalist in the coming World Championship of Public Speaking (WCPS)  practice her speech.

I really like the rule that the World Champs used for this session: after the speech, we were encouraged to provide positive feedback to the contestant – one each. If any of us thought we saw some improvement that just had to be said, we were to hold that comment and provide it to one of the champs (5 were present). Then they would collaborate and work with the contestant to provide the improvements that in their experience would help her out.

That led me to a couple of good rules we can all follow, whether in our Toastmaster club environments, or in the business world:

1. Positive comments are rarely solicited, so be sure to offer them generously when they are deserved. Bonus hint: They are always deserved.

2. Unsolicited critiques are almost never appreciated. Avoid offering your evaluation unless you’re asked. Note: You are not the exception to this rule.

3. Consolidate improvement where possible. I don’t mean gang up (i.e. “12 of us thought you should pause longer, so I was elected to tell you”), but you should avoid a steady stream of 2-3 improvements from multiple sources.

In Good Guys, a new comedy/drama/cop thing on Fox, the lead character asks his boss why he can’t move into a more exciting job in the department. As an example of his behavior, She offers “You corrected the Captain’s grammar…in front of the Chief.” Instead of realizing his mistake and moving on, he responded “There is no ‘statue of limitations.’”

Giving a critique to someone, even if you are completely right, is not some sort of constitutional right. You’ll be more successful with your opinion if it’s solicited, and you’ll be more effective when the recipient is receptive. Remember to stay positive, and only give critiques to those who actively seek your opinion.

When you are using a PowerPoint show, or other item that the audience will be reading, be sure to stand to their right of the projection (as much as practical). Since we humans (at least Americans) read left to right, the audiences eyes will finish on you…right where you want them.

What important things have you learned about Public Speaking, Leadership, and Networking this last year? Were there any pieces of advice that turned out to be misleading? Here are my top three lessons learned, and the three things that I feel need to have their myths busted:

1. Thanking the Audience:
Myth: “Don’t thank your audience because they should be thanking you.”

If you find that you are saying this out loud, please stop! The two are unrelated. You can thank one another. The audience does this by clapping, buying your products, or asking you to come back. You can (and should) thank them by saying “Thank You for having me here today”, and then giving them a conclusion that they can remember.

Not long ago I was standing in front of a room presenting my Planned Spontaneity program. Things were going well, including some good audience interaction. I used my normal “before I conclude I’ll take a few questions” line, since, like most of my topics, this one lends itself nicely to having a Q&A session. That went well, and I timed taking the last question so I would have at least five minutes to give a conclusion. Then, I said, “I want to thank you for inviting me out today, and for the wonderful lunch…” but before I could transition into my conclusion, the organizer stood up to bring me my gift (a really nice coffee mug w/chocolates inside) and the applause began. And no…I wasn’t over time.

I’m not sure about the lesson learned here. I think next time I’ll try “Before I close…” to transition from the Q&A into my “thank you” to see if the next group lets me give my conclusion.

2. Apologize:
Myth: Never apologize.

If you make the kind of mistake that requires an apology, then give one. If, say, you kick someone as you walk past them “working the room”, then say you are sorry. If you toss an audience member a free piece of candy (or whatever) and miss, say you are sorry. You get the idea.

Avoid apologizing when there is nothing that can be done about it, or if it’s just something to make you fell better about you own errors. For instance, never apologize for being “unprepared”. The audience won’t know unless you just plain suck. If that happens, apologize for sucking, not for being lazy about your preparation.  

If you have a situation where they have to wait while you fiddle with papers or something, instead of apologizing, consider giving them a short “talk amongst yourselves” exercise while you get your collective stuff together.

Once, at a Toasmasters contest I needed a minute to finish the winners certificates when I was given the results. I followed a more experienced Toastmaster’s advice and asked eveyone on the room to find someone nearby and introduce themselves, exchange club information and mention one thing they are getting out of being in Toastmasters. I had time to get my papers right and lined up, and then just needed to reign them back in. Plus: some folks met people they might not have spoken to otherwise.

3. Reusing material:
Myth: Every speech should be new. 

On the show Jeopardy, this would probably be the answer to “What method of speaking can you use to ensure one-dimensional growth?” I’m not suggesting that you never try new things. Of course you should try new things, new topics, and new approaches.

Also, I’m not suggesting that you just recite the same drivel over and over to “get credit”. Instead, from time to time you should look at material you’ve used before and see if you can improve it and deliver it more successfully.

There are a plethora of speaking lessons out there that are being taught and retaught every day. Most of them are rock solid (especially many of the lessons in Toastmasters), but not every one is on-target. Don’t be affraid to seek a second, or third, opinion and do some of your own research. By speaking and learning from those that have “been there and done that” you’ll pick up some good tips and avoid some of the bad myths.

Are you having trouble with deciding what to say first when you have to speak? Here’s the tip of the day: Go directly into your content. No preamble, no pleasantries, and no “Thank You”.

The first words should be about your content. Start with a relevent story or question to engage the audience right away.

Avoid pleasentries “Thank you”, “Glad to be here” or ”Mister Toastmaster” and use your content to connect with your audience right off the bat.

Ace Your Opening

I was reading another interesting blog called The Edited Life. There was a post recently called Fire the gun based on a quote that you may find interesting:

“If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be hanging there.” -Anton Chekhov

This works for speaking too. Don’t introduce something in your opening and just leave it hanging there. Tie it together in at least one of your main points and also in your conclusion.

Once you create that question in the minds of your audience, you want to be deliberate in how (and how long) you choose to leave that question in their mind. Conventional wisdom is to answer it soon, since leaving it unanswered in their minds could be a distraction.

For example, suppose you are giving a presentation on supervision techniques. In your opening, you ask the question, “Have you ever had someone cry during a performance evaluation?” You also ask a couple of other questions related to front-line supervisors. How long do you wait to tell your story of having someone cry in your office?

If you spend a lot of time on other points, without “letting the gun go off”, you may find your audience more curious about the coming cry-story then what you are saying now. Of course, there could be times when you want to build the suspense toward an amazing story, but if that’s the case the audience needs to know it is still coming.

Just like in writing, speakers need to make sure to tie off those loose ends. If it’s in your opening, it should be there for a reason. You don’t want your audience sitting there wondering when you’ll answer that question.

And yes, I have had someone cry in an evaluation once and no, it wasn’t because I’m mean. I know you were curious…

Do you want to avoid an easy and common mistake in presenting your views?

One thing that too many speakers do is use “I” focused sentences. You know what I mean, “I want you to learn…”, “I’m going to teach you…”, “I hope that you will…”, and on…and on…and on. It comes from how we learned to speak in the first place (all about me). So how do you fix it?

The obvious answer is practice, but what do you practice, and how?

Be “you” focused. That was easy to say, but you may wonder what it means?

1. Turn the “I will…” statements into “You will” statements
2. Change “I hope to teach you…” into “you will learn”
3. Get rid of “I was successful doing…” and replace it with a story about a third-person expert/success that inspired you and will inspire the audience

It’s tougher than it sounds, and it takes time and practice. Just remember, your audience is “I focused” too. If you spend all of your time on yourself and not on them, your connection will suffer, and so will your credibility.

You may find yourself held back by these common myths. Each of these applies to any type of speaking, as well as speaking in Toastmasters. Read on, and learn how to identify and conquer these speaking flaws:

Error #1: Every speech has to be different.
- In professional or business settings, you wouldn’t want to give the same speech to the same audience over and over, but when the audience changes, you can use material that was developed for another audience. All you need to do is know your audience and make the small tweaks where you need to.
- In Toastmasters, this misconception comes from an erroneous assumption that you can’t take credit for the same speech more than once. Change that thinking! Don’t “take credit” for your speech…earn credit for it. Are you wondering what the difference is? Say you are wanting to practice a speech for a big presentation you have to do at work on the Johnson Account (or whatever). You can work on the Competent Communication (CC) manual speech project on Vocal Variety, give your speech and receive some useful tips to improve. Next, take those improvements and tighten it up. Go to the project on Using Visual Aides and practice it again. Now you are better prepared for that work assignment! Note: you don’t have to stop at two times, practice again if you need to.

Error #2: All of your material must be original.
- Clearly it’s a bad idea to plagiarize the work of others. However, if you credit them and include what you’ve learned from experts in your presentation you can add to your credibility and improve the audience’s condition at the same time. Telling the audience how using that other expert’s advice made a difference for you can help them follow a similar path to success.
- In Toastmasters, there are some scripted programs designed to help members succeed with common speaking and leadership topics such as Goal Setting and Planning, Evaluate to Motivate, and Creating an Opening. I once asked a fellow member about giving a speech on Goal Setting. His reply, “I don’t need to do one of those modules right now Rob, I need to give a speech.” I replied “Joe, just give a speech on Goal Setting, you can reference your own experience as well as the module and other sources in your own speech.” This took a bit of back and forth to get through, because of the misunderstanding that he though to talk about one of those topics, you had to use the module. It’s not true, and like any source you just need to cite what you use when you speak. If, however, you want to read the script as designed, then of course that is not a manual speech, but how you present it as a module.

Error #3: Saying you have a plan means you have a plan.
- In Seth Godin’s book Small is the New Big, he talks about working for an Internet company during a period when they were very successful marketing to advertisers. He looked forward to working there because he thought their techniques must be out of this world, with the obscene revenues they were pulling in. He then recounted the first sales call he went on with them. To paraphrase, the presentation was among the worst he’d ever encountered, yet the customer wrote a really big check. The point? You may have a product or idea that is so wonderful that your lack of preparation couldn’t possibly screw it up.  Guess what? Even if you’re right, you soon won’t be.
- In Toastmasters I see some individuals who give manual speeches, but never seem to have the manuals, or turn in the awards. I’ve heard a variety of “not chasing awards” excuses. I’ve also watched their slower growth as a result.

To be honest, I could probably write a “Top Ten” or “Top Twenty for 2010″ post on many other speaking myths out there. These are just three that I’ve seen and heard most recently. The short of it is, stop looking for ”no”. It’s easy to come up with excuses to stagnate and watch crap on teevee. 

If it’s in your head that you need to become a more accomplished communicator, leader, and networker (is that a word?) then move past the excuses and do what you need to do. If you are not in Toastmasters, obviously I’m going to suggest that you join. This is the place to practice and improve, and to move beyond all of the myths to become the best speaker you can be.

Ed note: I received some nice feedback on yesterday’s post about providing too much information, so I’ll go ahead and strike again while the iron is hot.

Blunder #1: Assume your audience lives just to hear you speak.

That’s right, no need for Audience Analysis, or worrying about what message will make a difference to them! Remember, the goal is to feel good about your presentation, even if the audience doesn’t get it. Bonus tip! Leave your audience with as many unanswered questions as time will allow. And top it off with a sales table full of unrelated content at the front of the room.

Conversely, understanding how Knowing your Audience will give them the best experience will pay off for those of you looking to succeed. Important: don’t assume that because they came to hear you speak means they understand the why’s and what for’s of your topic. Whatever topic you have expertise in could seem like rocket-science to your audience. One option: draft up an opening that would work to explain your topic to 5th graders. Remember, your audience members are smarter than a 5th grader, but not necessarily in your topic of choice. Avoid being condescending, but don’t gloss over the facts that connect the dots for your audience.

Blunder #2: The slides speak for themselves.

This is my favorite tactic to watch, and you know why? Because even when the slides can speak for themselves, the presenter won’t let them! That’s right, I have a grown person reading to me from the front of the room. Talk about money well spent!

It’s tough to understand how this begins, except as a crutch for new speakers. Here’s an alternative. Make the “speaks-for-themselves” slides and print them out for yourself. Next trim out all of the words your going to actually say, and “save as” that file to be your actual presentation slide show. Limit this to important points that need to be seen to be understood (i.e. lists, graphs, or pictures). Only use the slides in the parts of your presentation that need them, and use the ‘B’ button (blank the screen) the rest of the time.

Blunder #3: Humor is for the other guy.

There’s a time and place for humor, and your presentation is not that time or place, right? You added jokes about the two bartenders walking into a church, and failed miserably. Humor requires raw, natural talent and you have none, and couldn’t possibly learn…right? hmm. 

Humorless presentations sell…nothing. I’m not talking about product here, although that does apply. What I mean is, without humor you can’t expect to sell your ideas, vision, or calls to action. Humor needs to be a natural part of your presentation, not an added joke or two. The best source? Your life stories! That’s right, straight from your own experiences. Added bonus: your audience will not have heard them before.

Also, if you’re thinking that humor comes naturally…you’re wrong. The “naturally funny” people aren’t. Seriously. They simply learned the tips and techniques at an earlier age than you did (or will), that’s all. There are a plethora of resources out there to improve your humor quotient. In a later post, I’ll be sure to include some ideas about that.

Bonus Blunder: Deciding there is no room for improvement. 

Remember, if you like using these blunders (or techniques) in your daily presentations, keep it up! Less competition is a good thing for me. Right?