I recently saw this quote, from Sir Richard Branson. The second line is what caught my eye – it’s easy to be cynical…much harder to be successful.

After seeing Rory Vaden speak about success this weekend, this idea made a lot of sense to me. What do you think? Do we take the shortcut of being cynical more often than we should? What opportunities are we passing up when we choose the easy path in the short term?

Why cynicism seems easy:

1. It gives us an out. We can dump the responsibility somewhere else, so the failure isn’t our fault. This also means the success doesn’t get to be ours either. After all, trying is a risk, while blaming a poor economy, not enough time or not having support removes all of the risk.

2. It’s popular. How often do you hear your friends taking the easy path to cynicism rather than doing the work to be successful? “I know people who work out but don’t look any better”, “my boss likes so-and so more, so she I know she won’t give me more responsibility” or “just because you write a book doesn’t mean anybody will buy it!” These are all real concerns, but in the end they are ways to avoid the chance of success for the certainty of the status quo.

3. Pain avoidance. The thought of doing something big and then failing can be scary. We know the pain will be great and we know we’ll hear, “I told you so!” from our friends. Cynical comments like, “I know I’ll never get published” allow us to substitute a small pain now for a potentially bigger one later. Bonus: Our friends will usually support our cynicism better than they will our attempt at success.

Now that you know this, what can you do about it?

- Lead by example. You probably don’t want to replace all of your friends just to avoid cynicism. The good news is that many of your friends will probably be willing to support your attempts at success, if you’re willing to support theirs. If you change the “why bother” to “let’s do it!”, chances are they will follow your lead.

- Make the decision. Of course, you have to decide to make the changes that will lead to success. Rory calls it “Taking the Stairs“. However you want to think of it, you may need to make a conscience decision to make a change (or changes) to see success. Change the question in your mind from “Should I?” to “How can I?”Stop thinking about if or should, and start thinking that you will, and just focus on how.

- Follow through. Once you’ve decided to make the change, you need to keep it up . Don’t burn yourself out with 20 changes by next week. Keep focus on the decision you’ve made and use that momentum to stay on your path to success. If possible, have an accountability buddy who will keep you honest about your progress.

Cynicism may seem easy now, but it always leads to less success in the future. If I had listened to those voices (“who will read it”, “am I good enough”, “who cares”), I would have never created this blog two and a half years ago. I’m not making milions (yet), but I am doing something I enjoy. What about you?

Are you substituting cynicism for a shot at success?

Editors Note: I saw the quote mentioned here: http://jorgensundberg.net/content/top-10-personal-branding-quotes-those-who-made-it.

Bad news – “Before I begin…” was, well, before…you…began…

That’s right, once your introduction is complete, everything you say is counted against your time. If your boss asked you to provide 1-2 minutes on a project, if you start with, “Before I begin, I just want to thank my team and…” you have used time in the 1-2 minutes she gave you.

That is, if you spend one minute with “before I begin” and two minutes about the topic, you’ve used 3 minutes of your boss’s time.

The same is true for stage speaking, and Toastmasters. Note: in Toastmasters some timers will erroneously allow “before I begin” to delay starting your clock. If you notice, the clock on the wall is still running…

So what’s the point?

1. Respect your audience. Everything you say is part of everything you say. Don’t pretend you get “bonus time” just by uttering a few magic words. You’re still using their time.

2. Be prepared. If you have “before I begin” remarks, then you’ll need to shorten your other content to stay on time. In some cases, you may be able to ask the introducer to include some informations in the introduction for you.

3. Get help. If you need to have handouts or special instructions, talk to someone in advance about getting the materials out or the instructions to the introducer.

Once you’ve taken the stage, you’re on the clock. Ask for help when you need it, be prepared and show that you respect your audience’s time. There is no phantom time, so before I conclude I just want to say, “Use the real time you have wisely.”

Why is the gym parking lot empty?
Why are the sales of Oreos climbing?
Why did you stop trying?

Did you know that if you made a New Year’s Resolution, you were set up to lose? Do you know why? More importantly, do you know what to do about it?

New Year’s Resolutions are (mostly) fake! Think about it. Did one of these (or similar) happen to you last October?

Maybe you’re sitting at work and worried about your job. A certification might help. Should you start now or on the 1st of January?

Maybe you looked in the mirror. You’d like to fit in clothing the next size down. Should you start now or on the 1st of January?

Maybe you want to take a trip next summer. You want to learn French. Should you start now or on the 1st of January?

When you put off starting that resolution, you automatically program your brain to give it a low priority. Then, when the second, third and final weeks of January come around you lose you resolve because it was never really important to you.

In fact, here’s another statistic I’m not prepared to justify. More than 75% of resolution failures are explained as being beyond your control. Stuff like, “I had to work a lot of overtime” and “my daughter keeps bringing junk food into the house” and “my son broke the dumbells”. You get the idea.

Now you know why, but what do you do about it?

First – Be SMART.

Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Time-bound

Specific – don’t “lose weight” – lose 10 pounds
Measurable – don’t “fit into skinny jeans” – lose 2 inches on your waist
Attainable – certain amounts of weight loss may be unhealthy – make it something you can achieve
Realistic – losing 10 pounds is realistic – losing 100 may not be
Time-bound – set a date for your goal – finish writing that book in 12 months

Second – Avoid land-mines

In our house, we don’t have chocolate. We rarely have any sugar, no soda and we avoid certain fast-food options. We aren’t perfect, but we also don’t have chocolate “failure makers” planted around the house. Does it guarantee success? Probably not. But it helps, and it also avoids lapses.

Also, do things to help yourself. Take your own snacks to work.  Buy a refillable water bottle. Hang out at the library instead of the bar. You get the idea…

Third – Write it down

The goal has more power when it’s written down, committed to and shard with others. There is power in accountability. And having friends that won’t accept “it was the overtime” as an excuse gives you a better chance of success.

We’ve had our last holiday for a while. You next resolution goal should start as soon as you recognize the need. Take a look at what you want to accomplish, decide to do it NOW, write it down and commit to it. Otherwise, it’s just next year’s failed New Year’s Resolution, right?

The gym is all yours, if you want it…

1. Know your venue – Prior to the event, Kathy made sure to visit some local places the audiences would recognize. That allowed her to form a connection with the audience by tapping into their own experiences. Kathy referenced a few things, including her visit to a local donut shop and it’s unique menu items. As a speaker, you probably don’t need to look throughout the city for ideas, but getting to know the company or group you’re speaking to can allow you to connect through either humor or other anecdotes.

2. Know your audience – Kathy has a rather specific audience. She knows her audience and what appeals to them. What’s more, she acknowledges those that don’t fit into that group (with a comedic twist, of course). Your audience may or may not be more diverse. Either way, it’s important to know who will benefit from (or enjoy) your material. Kathy’s style works for her audience. If she were to decide to change styles (i.e. stop picking on other celebrities, start preaching, etc.) she would likely bomb, and lose that audience. The same applies for your audiences. Your material needs to fill the needs of your audience. If it doesn’t, you bomb too.

3. Freshen up your material – Kathy included some of her best material, which has continually worked on her shows and her tours. Then, to keep it fresh, she included topics (behind the scenes dirt) from the recent Grammy and Emmy Awards shows, as well as the CNN New Year’s Eve special with Anderson Cooper (which is what I watched on New Year’s Eve). Like many speakers, you probably have a catalog of anecdotes that you use successfully to make your points. Incorporating stories from recent events (even as in the first point above) can keep your program fresh and allow you to strengthen your connection with your audience. Also, doing so will allow you to keep recurring audiences (like fans, or training contracts with a company) interested and coming back for more.

You may not be a comedian, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn some valuable lessons from some of the best out there. Seeing Kathy perform in real life was a blast. But even if you don’t find her funny, you can still learn from her example. If you familiarize yourself with your venue, know your audience and keep your material fresh you can be great in your presentations.

Just like Kathy Griffin.

1. Don’t add words. Rich descriptions can make a story more real to the audience, but not every scene needs to be literature.

Better – mix the rich descriptive scenes with short descriptions for extras. For instance, if you have a short dialog with a coworker, tell us their height, type of clothing and maybe one other thing. Don’t give us their college background, family stats and more just for them to deliver one line. Save the (slightly) longer descriptions for main characters and scenes.

Example: “Martin was a typical well-dressed IT guy, about my height. He said, ‘Rob, I have no idea.’”

2. Don’t add body language. Just like above, creating additional opportunities for (or adding) gestures and movement can come off as fake.

Better – be natural. I saw one speaker describe his dream as occurring between the time the sun sets in the west and rises in the east [paraphrased - his version was longer]. As he did this, he brought one hand high to represent the sun and lowered it dramatically, then raised the other hand high to represent the rising sun. Since that isn’t how many people describe sleeping/dreaming, it came off as fake, and so the gestures looked added as well.

Example: “I awoke to realize this had just been a dream” – add a surprised or anxious look as you say “awoke”.  Maybe even have a slight shudder or other action to convey the shock or other feelings.

3. Don’t tell the audience you’re encouraging, inspiring, or challenging us, just do it. I’ve heard a number of great stories, followed by one or two points I should feel challenged to take. Adding your points on at the end seems, well…added.

Better – add the interaction into the story. Don’t wait until you’ve finished the story to ask, “has that ever happened to you?” or tell me “don’t wait until it’s too late…”.

Example: When you’re with your dying Grandmother, step out of the story to ask the audience, “have you ever waited to tell someone what they mean to you?” Then, using it in the conclusion is a callback to the story, not an add-on.

Avoid adding things to your delivery that don’t add to your speech. Simply uncover what’s already there. Include appropriate descriptions, movement and interaction and you’ll connect with your audience. That’s what makes a great speech, and during the contest that’s what the judges are looking for.

If you answered “no”to these questions, you’re probably normal in that regard. But, would the answer be the same if your audience of one was an audience of 10, 100 or more? Why not?

Involving the audience seems to be a difficult skill for many speakers to learn. That’s probably why it is so refreshing when we see it. Why is it so tough for speakers?

1. It’s how we’re trained. Think about it – almost every form of training for speakers teaches us to present to the audience. Only after the fear is reduced and the skills emerge do we start to train to engage the audience.

2. It’s hard. It does sound easy though, doesn’t it? “Ask questions.” But giving control to an audience member can be scary, and not knowing how to maintain control of the overall session can lead to problems and maybe worse.

How do we overcome those two problems?

Let’s look at how by addressing one of the ways speaking can be broken down, to give us a plan of attack. We’ll start with these three key components:

Know your self
Know your message
Know your audience

In the training environments I discussed, we mostly focus on the “know yourself” aspect of speaking. Understanding basic skills like organization, vocabulary, body language, vocal variety and other basic components allow you to improve your comfort and confidence to stand in front of a group and speak.

You’re never finished with this aspect of learning, but once you understand the basics you can work on more advanced skills while improving these concurrently.

Knowing you message is the next step, and is where many speakers get stuck. After all, it’s important to have accurate data and useful information for your audience, right? Many speakers feel that if they have the right information, the right slides, and the right technique then they’ll be successful. Sometimes they’re right, even if they aren’t as successful as they could be.

The reason you’re never finished here is different than the basic skills. Here, your repertoire will keep expanding as you continue to speak and gain experience. Also, some experiences (and stories) will become outdated and need to be retired from your catalog.

Knowing your audience is the critical key to success as a speaker, and it’s also the key to comfort in interacting with them and creating the best connection. That is, this is how you uncover the best results. It’s about more than demographics, although those can be important too. It’s about experience and expectations. What experience does your audience already have, and what do they reasonably expect to get from attending your session?

You may wonder, “how do I do that?” After all, this may be an audience you’ve never seen before.

First – ask. Start with the meeting organizer to get a baseline expectation and understanding of the size and composition of your audience. Don’t stop there. At the event, but prior to your presentation, talk to attendees and see where they are coming from, and what they expect. Learn a few names and stories so you can connect better with them.

Next – ask from the stage. To get the best connection and interaction, lead the audience with questions. Some rhetorical and some that require some sort of response. If your speech is the Toastmasters 5-7 minute variety, you may not need much interaction. But, if you’re doing a 20 minute session, or a 40-60 minute breakout, you’ll need to interact with the audience in a few times, at least.

Then – callback. As you learn from your audience, you need to callback to those responses later in your presentation. In this way, you strengthen your connection by showing that you heard and understood their response and that their opinion/story/etc. fit right in with what they’re learning from you. (Here’s a previous post on callbacks)

Finally – follow up. Is your job done when the speech is over? Probably not. Be available for follow-ups after the event, and make yourself available via e-mail or through your web page. This not only shows you care about more than the paycheck (or free publicity), but will help you make adjustments for future presentations.

Just like speaking to a friend or your boss, don’t monopolize the conversation in front of any audience. Get them involved early and often. You’ll connect, be memorable, and get called back. They may even clap when you’re done…

Social media tools like Facebook, LinkedIn and others allow us to maintain our networks and stay in touch with those that are important (or not-so-important) to us. But, is simply having them as friends/contatcs/etc. enough? What do you do when you need your network?

First, start now – before you need them. If you only maintain frienships (real or virtual) and contacts to use when you need them, your friends will see through that. Better – be their friend when they need one.

Second, know who is who. Some of your on-line contacts are just that, on-line contacts. When you find yourself job-hunting in the fall, they’ll be happy to say, “Good luck!” However, they may not be in a position to do much more.

Third, maintain the relationship! This one is key. Know when their birthday is and be sure to drop them a line. Schedule a regluar lunch with each contact, e.g. every other month. See how things are going and if they need your help for anything.

Finally, keep track! It doesn’t help if you don’t know anything about your friends. It’s okay to write down things like birthdays and anniversaries. People actually did that in the pre-FaceBook era, ya’ know. I like to use contacts in my home MS Outlook program, but there are lots of other options you can use. Yes, even paper works.

Should you manage your network? Yes. Can yoo depend on automated systems to do it for you. Sure, if you’re happy with a network of automated replies from your automated contacts. If you don’t care enough to keep up with them and help when they need you, can you really expect anyone to be there for you? Even if it’s just someone to share a beer with during the big game…

1. Get feedback at every level. Ask someone, in advance, to give you an evaluation. Make it from a manual (CC projects # 2-6 always work, 9 and 10 may work as well) and ask them to keep the judging criteria in mind when they do. Use a different project each time you give the speech (both in practice at your club and at contests). This should be in addition to your coach (if you have one) so you get a fresh perspective.

Why? It blows me away to see someone not do well, then ask what they could have done differently. Some will even say, “I wish I could hear what the judges were looking for.” You don’t want to hear from them. They took just one minute to decide on your score. Then they concentrated on the next speaker. Get someone good to pay attention to you, and get some feedback you can use.

2. Don’t worry about the judges. Yeah, that’s easy to say, but there is more to winning a contest than being liked by the judges. Plus, they can tell when a speaker is talking just to them.

Why? They are looking for your skill as a speaker, and some things they take into account are how you reach your audience, and how the audience reacts to you. Make sure to remember your audience before you speak.

3. Watch your competition. See as much of them as you can stand. Visit other clubs (don’t judge – that’s a rules violation) and other Area and Division contests when you can. Carpool if you need to. Others are going.  

Why? There are some great techniques on display, and some colossal blunders you may want to avoid. Plus, seeing how different speakers use different room configurations and how audiences react can teach you volumes to improve your own speaking ability.

4. Get some help. I mentioned a coach in #1 above. There are professional options, but you don’t have to spend money to get help. You just have to decide how much time you have, and how much time/help you’ll need. Sometimes members of your club or a nearby club may be willing to help you. Just ask. Chances are you can find someone willing to help, even if it’s just a little.

Why? Practice helps you, but without feedback it has little value. It’s good to have someone to help you focus your practice and serve as a filter for all of the suggestions you’re going to hear.

5. Remember, it’s about being the best speaker, not just having the best speech. This one is a lot like #2 – easy to say, hard to prove. After all, the greatest speaker in the world won’t win with a dull, boring speech. But then, the greatest speaker in the world wouldn’t give a dull, boring speech either. The best would know their audience, know their message, and know themselves.

Why? That’s just how it is.

This advice may not be for you, but if you are in it to win it, you might want to consider doing more than you have before. Do your best…be your best…that’s what competing and winning is all about.

Editors note: If you are thinking about professional coaching, check out World Champions EDGE (Affiliate link). This is a great resource, and the first month is just $1.

Now’s the time of year when we look at where we are, where we’d like to be, and why did my mother do this to me???

Ok…Freudian issues aside, how can we look forward to a positive 2012?

Start with a look at yourself. Look at these categories and ask yourself, “Where am I?”

1. Education - do you have the degree you want, the skills you need or the abilities that will get you ahead? How can you bridge the gap in 2012?
- Take a class. No you don’t always need a degree to make a difference. Pursuing a degree puts you ahead of your peers, plus as you finish each class, you know new stuff. Yeah, it’s pretty cool.
- Read. Find your pace and bump it up a notch. Read a book once a year? Now read one every three months. If it’s already once every three months, up it to every other month. When you can, go with one a month. Look at “My Favorite Books” on the right side of this page for some ideas, or just browse your local library and/or Barnes & Noble (where I am right now).
- Join Toastmasters. Yeah, you saw it coming. No better way to improve your speaking, leadership and networking skills.

2. Job - I lovw the quote that 20 years of experience is usually just one year repeated 20 times. If you find that you fit into a similar category, what are you going to do about it?
- Take some additional training at work. Online or in person, most companies offer classes that can improve your skills. Take advantage of them.
- Look at the education options above. They apply at work in many ways.

3. Family - If you could make one change that would make your family life better, what would it be?
- Be specific! Don’t say “spend more time with the kids.” Try, “dedicate one hour on Mon/Wed/Fri to teaching my daughter to speak French.” or “Take my family out to a movie at least twice a month.” You get the idea?

2012 doesn’t have to win any awards for “best stresser” if you take a reasonable approach to setting that next resolution. You don’t have to bridge that gap from where you are to where you want to be in just one year. Take a look at wh

A lavaliere microphone
The audience needs to be able to hear the speaker on stage, and no matter how well I think I project, the fact is any room with more than 50 people in it should be served by some type of microphone/speakers.

A perpetually full glass of room-temperature water
It depends on how long I’ll be stranded on stage, but I know I can’t speak to a group for more than 20 minutes without needing at least a sip.

My notes
Of course I know my material, but I never know what kind of distraction might take me off course and require a quick glance to be sure I cover everything I intended.

My handouts
It’s nearly always a good idea to provide materials to the audience. Plus, I can include information on other services and I like to send out a sign-up list.

My Flip video camera (I still can’t believe they discontinued those)
I always want to record my presentations. As valuable as other evaluations are, nothing beats watching my own presentation to see what I really did.

Your list might be different, but these items serve to make a pretty sound presentation. What’s on your list?