More importantly, do you know when to not get in there and muck about?

I had an instructor once who spoke about the difference between delegation and abdication. She really helped me understand the difference between rolling up your sleeves only when I needed to and always putting yourself in a place to have to.

Delegation – Assigning duties to someone, providing parameters and having them meet scheduled milestones.

Abdication – Assigning duties to someone, and getting mad when the result doesn’t turn out the way you secretly wish it did.

What’s the key difference? Set expectations.

For instance, when I was in charge of Marketing for my Toastmasters District, I would have to delegate Demonstration Meetings for prospective clubs (groups that wanted to start a new club). I let the lead know how many people and what roles needed to be filled, gave some advice on certain skill sets, and required them to provide me a draft agenda three weeks out and a final agenda two weeks before the event.

If they missed the first milestone, I could roll up my sleeves and help them finish the draft (getting the last few volunteers to sign up). That way we didn’t miss the second deadline, or have a poorly planned event.

Rolling up your sleeves at the right time can help your team be more successful, and setting the right parameters up front can make sure you only have to do it when absolutely necessary.

If you looking to prove that you are misunderstood, on the right track with the wrong people, or just plain right when everyone else is wrong, then you’re wasting your time as well as mine.

But if you are willing to try a new approach, hear that you need to make some adjustments and work to keep getting better, then you are in the right place.

The weakest leaders and speakers I know are the ones who aren’t willing to admit they are wrong.

Stop looking for validation, and you’ll be free to do the work to keep getting better.

If you had been sitting there at the Toastmasters District 22 Conference in Joplin, Missouri…

“Don’t overdo it.” – Craig Valentine

Okay!

Sunday we had Craig Valentine for a 2-hour mini-coaching session on storytelling. There isn’t enough pure unadulterated awesomeness in the English language to help you understand what you missed. But I’ll try…

(Actually, these are my notes)

Why use the stage?
- make a point
- transition – structure your speech
- best: the action in your story prompts you movements on stage
- timeline
Make everything clarify your message, not confuse it
Don’t overdo it – subtle 

Don’t tell … Ask
Most people don’t want to be most people
If you want to know when to say “you and I” or “you and me”, remove the “you and” from the sentence and see which one makes sense

Coached Arlen
Leave your embarrassment in the lobby
Be more subtle in your vocal changes (character voices)

Curiosity – tease them before you tell them
- tap, tease and transport … 
  – Tap “what’s the number one thing standing between most people and their dreams?”
  – Tease – elicited answers and told the audience they were wrong
  – Transport – put them in the scene – Check the VAKS

If all of the questions are answered, your story is over. Even if you keep talking.

Circumstances - 

Characters – Just a few facts 

Coached Heather
Maybe change “perfect family” question
“Have you ever” felt there was a barrier to 
Figure out your foundational phrase – your tap should tie into their takeaway

First check in – 10:05 – these are things the audience took from the first hour:
Timeline on the stage
How to measure a pause (inner voice exercise)
Tap tease and transport
Don’t speak like I write- i.e. “get over here” she said
Don’t speak to impress, speak to inspire
Don’t tell…ask
Speaking is not a monolog , it’s a dialog
Check the VAKS

Conflict
when you introduce your character, throw them into the conflict
Conflict is the hook
Conflict invites them to solve the problem
Establish the conflict as early as possible 
Conflict – titanic hits the iceberg
Escalation – water raises in the titanic 

Come up with two or three events or conversations that escalate the conflict
Escalate until “the battle at boiling point”
Then comes the cure – with the guru – never be the guru of your own story
Be similar, not special
Put the process, not the person on the pedestal 

Ed – Better voices for better choices

Change 
After the cure, how did that cure change you?
What’s the delta

Credibility – who has more credibility about your story than you
Connection - 

We all have different stories, but we all have the same emotions – David Brooks

Conversations and dialog
Never add humor, uncover it
Use dialog – humor is in the reactions
It’s the look before and after the line that makes the line
The need to hear it just how you heard it
Always put the conflict before the cure

Last discuss and debrief – 11:10
What you pick up in the cure, you hand them out the door
Don’t re-tell it, re-live it
DC – be under the influence of your own emotions 
The cure can’t be in the title
If it’s too emotional, rehearse until you can give it without getting visibly emotional
Cliche – have them fill in the blanks
Most people don’t want to be most people

Awesome!

This morning, Craig Valentine opened the Toastmasters District 22 conference in Joplin, Missouri with Getting Remarkable Results in Leadeship and Life.

As always Craig Valentine inspired!

Some of the tidbits:

Never seen a positive leader with a negative team.

What you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you say. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

No neutral people. There either on the way or in the way.

Be driven by your vision, or you’ll be driven by someone else’s.

When we make excuses for someone, we invite them to never change.

I’ve been waiting a long time to see Craig here in District 22. As always, he delivered!

Craig Rocks!

Have you ever noticed how the best leaders – you know, the ones you really respect – tend to also be great communicators? Would you like get unstuck? If so, read ahead to learn the correlation, and learn how you can make one change and see greater success in both your speaking and leadership skills.

Think about the three successive key areas to being a successful speaker:

Know Your Self
Know Your Message
Know Your Audience

Both speaking and leadership follow similar development tracks here, but if you aren’t focused on your audience, you may be stuck and not even know it.

Know Your Self

Nearly every new speaker has started out uncomfortable in front of their audience. Practice is critical here to be able to Know Your Self. In Toastmasters, the Competent Communicator (CC) manual helps here, as you develop presentations to practice specific skills.

A new leader will suffer from similar uneasiness. Not being sure of your authority, how others will perceive you and how you’ll react to adversity can make the transition to (or through) leadership difficult. In Toastmasters, understanding and following the core values can be a big help in Knowing Your Self. Respect, Integrity, Service, and Excellence (RISE) are values you can use to center your leadership and move to the next phase.

Know Your Message

As a speaker, this is where you find your voice, determine what you have to offer, and tell your stories. It may take some time to find your niche, but when you do you’ll see your value in the faces of your audience as you guide, teach or inspire them to act.

As a leader, you’ll see some similarities developing – guide, teach and inspire are also aspects of leadership. As a leader, your voice – your story – will be partially dictated by your organization. Whether you follow the corporate path, or your own, you need to understand what your message is if you can hope to deliver it.

This, unfortunately, is the phase where both speakers and leaders get stuck.

Why? Because they don’t know their audience. In fact, they probably have been trained (or learned on-the-job) to ignore the “noise” and plow ahead with the facts.

Oddly enough, most leaders stuck here (speakers too!) feel that they are doing the right thing, and by not allowing distraction they are more effective. They tend to suffer from “good enough” syndrome. “Why change if it’s working?” – Because it isn’t really working. You’re just getting by for now.

Know Your Audience

This is the most powerful lesson in Speaking and in Leadership. Powerful because of just how much you get, and how much your audience benefits from the change.

It’s also very risky, which is why many avoid this technique. It means you have to accept criticism. You have to be willing to change. You have to be willing to defend yourself with more than, “because I’m in charge!!” If you can’t handle those aspects, it will be a tough change. But…worth it.

Connection – by understanding your audience and the differences between what you know and what they need, you can tailor you style to make sure you communicate effectively, and truly lead them instead of just telling them what to do.

I had a troop once who would be late to work once in a while, and just barely on-time other days. I had to ask, “What does on-time mean to you?” She replied, “If I’m in the building by 7:30, I’m okay, right?”

Even the sharpest of people can’t read your mind. If you see a difference between what you asked for and what they did,  you probably didn’t connect. Listen to your audience and adapt your message.

Authority – When I’ve taught leadership seminars, I’ve used the tried-and-true example of earned vs. implied authority I learned in the Air Force.

Implied authority is what we’re mostly used to. Your authority comes from your position, i.e. Director, Sergeant, Project Lead, etc. Implied authority comes before you even meet your audience, much less know them. It’ll get you off the ground with the team, but leaders who live off of implied authority lack the true respect of their people, and are usually less effective.

Earned authority is what you want to strive for as you know your audience. Show respect to get respect. Care. Listen. Train. Explain. Understand. Basically, all the stuff you wish your boss did.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that you create a democracy with your team. You’re still the boss, and accountability rests with you. But, if you do it right you should never have to remind your team that you are the boss.

Respect – You have to give respect to get respect. What does that mean? It means you take the high road. You never “Reply to All” to tell someone they messed up. You do reply to all to congratulate someone on a big win. You show (real) appreciation and give your team a chance to give you their recommendations before you make the final decision. Even if you go your own way, they’ll respect that you considered their opinion. Take time to explain your decisions – not to satisfy critics – to train your people on the methods to make the right decisions themselves.

I’ve found that 90% of the time, the excuse, “I don’t have time to explain” is a cop-out. Make the time for respect, or they won’t either.

Excitement – You can’t create energy, excitement or excellence by just droning on. Get them involved. In speaking, include exercises and interaction. As a leader do the same off the stage. Have a team lunch once in a while, do non-work things with them and give your team opportunities to lead their own projects and watch the energy change.

This will seem odd, but knowing your mission can lead to excitement. What? No, not reading the mission statement to them. I mean making sure they know their role in the team’s (or company’s) mission. When they know that they matter to the mission and to you, they’ll be more likely to respond to adversity with a positive attitude. When they feel the work has no value, then they feel that they have no value. Where is the fun in that?

You may find that you’ve done well with improving in the phases of Know Your Self and Know Your Message. But you still are struggling with your results, you may need to take another look at the skill Know Your Audience. As you practice these skills in both speaking and leading, you’ll see the complimentary improvements in both as you progress.

The most respected leaders in the world have at least one thing in common: They know their audience. If you’re stuck in the rut of leadership, it’s time to get out now!

Bad news – “Before I begin…” was, well, before…you…began…

That’s right, once your introduction is complete, everything you say is counted against your time. If your boss asked you to provide 1-2 minutes on a project, if you start with, “Before I begin, I just want to thank my team and…” you have used time in the 1-2 minutes she gave you.

That is, if you spend one minute with “before I begin” and two minutes about the topic, you’ve used 3 minutes of your boss’s time.

The same is true for stage speaking, and Toastmasters. Note: in Toastmasters some timers will erroneously allow “before I begin” to delay starting your clock. If you notice, the clock on the wall is still running…

So what’s the point?

1. Respect your audience. Everything you say is part of everything you say. Don’t pretend you get “bonus time” just by uttering a few magic words. You’re still using their time.

2. Be prepared. If you have “before I begin” remarks, then you’ll need to shorten your other content to stay on time. In some cases, you may be able to ask the introducer to include some informations in the introduction for you.

3. Get help. If you need to have handouts or special instructions, talk to someone in advance about getting the materials out or the instructions to the introducer.

Once you’ve taken the stage, you’re on the clock. Ask for help when you need it, be prepared and show that you respect your audience’s time. There is no phantom time, so before I conclude I just want to say, “Use the real time you have wisely.”

1. Don’t add words. Rich descriptions can make a story more real to the audience, but not every scene needs to be literature.

Better – mix the rich descriptive scenes with short descriptions for extras. For instance, if you have a short dialog with a coworker, tell us their height, type of clothing and maybe one other thing. Don’t give us their college background, family stats and more just for them to deliver one line. Save the (slightly) longer descriptions for main characters and scenes.

Example: “Martin was a typical well-dressed IT guy, about my height. He said, ‘Rob, I have no idea.’”

2. Don’t add body language. Just like above, creating additional opportunities for (or adding) gestures and movement can come off as fake.

Better – be natural. I saw one speaker describe his dream as occurring between the time the sun sets in the west and rises in the east [paraphrased - his version was longer]. As he did this, he brought one hand high to represent the sun and lowered it dramatically, then raised the other hand high to represent the rising sun. Since that isn’t how many people describe sleeping/dreaming, it came off as fake, and so the gestures looked added as well.

Example: “I awoke to realize this had just been a dream” – add a surprised or anxious look as you say “awoke”.  Maybe even have a slight shudder or other action to convey the shock or other feelings.

3. Don’t tell the audience you’re encouraging, inspiring, or challenging us, just do it. I’ve heard a number of great stories, followed by one or two points I should feel challenged to take. Adding your points on at the end seems, well…added.

Better – add the interaction into the story. Don’t wait until you’ve finished the story to ask, “has that ever happened to you?” or tell me “don’t wait until it’s too late…”.

Example: When you’re with your dying Grandmother, step out of the story to ask the audience, “have you ever waited to tell someone what they mean to you?” Then, using it in the conclusion is a callback to the story, not an add-on.

Avoid adding things to your delivery that don’t add to your speech. Simply uncover what’s already there. Include appropriate descriptions, movement and interaction and you’ll connect with your audience. That’s what makes a great speech, and during the contest that’s what the judges are looking for.

If you answered “no”to these questions, you’re probably normal in that regard. But, would the answer be the same if your audience of one was an audience of 10, 100 or more? Why not?

Involving the audience seems to be a difficult skill for many speakers to learn. That’s probably why it is so refreshing when we see it. Why is it so tough for speakers?

1. It’s how we’re trained. Think about it – almost every form of training for speakers teaches us to present to the audience. Only after the fear is reduced and the skills emerge do we start to train to engage the audience.

2. It’s hard. It does sound easy though, doesn’t it? “Ask questions.” But giving control to an audience member can be scary, and not knowing how to maintain control of the overall session can lead to problems and maybe worse.

How do we overcome those two problems?

Let’s look at how by addressing one of the ways speaking can be broken down, to give us a plan of attack. We’ll start with these three key components:

Know your self
Know your message
Know your audience

In the training environments I discussed, we mostly focus on the “know yourself” aspect of speaking. Understanding basic skills like organization, vocabulary, body language, vocal variety and other basic components allow you to improve your comfort and confidence to stand in front of a group and speak.

You’re never finished with this aspect of learning, but once you understand the basics you can work on more advanced skills while improving these concurrently.

Knowing you message is the next step, and is where many speakers get stuck. After all, it’s important to have accurate data and useful information for your audience, right? Many speakers feel that if they have the right information, the right slides, and the right technique then they’ll be successful. Sometimes they’re right, even if they aren’t as successful as they could be.

The reason you’re never finished here is different than the basic skills. Here, your repertoire will keep expanding as you continue to speak and gain experience. Also, some experiences (and stories) will become outdated and need to be retired from your catalog.

Knowing your audience is the critical key to success as a speaker, and it’s also the key to comfort in interacting with them and creating the best connection. That is, this is how you uncover the best results. It’s about more than demographics, although those can be important too. It’s about experience and expectations. What experience does your audience already have, and what do they reasonably expect to get from attending your session?

You may wonder, “how do I do that?” After all, this may be an audience you’ve never seen before.

First – ask. Start with the meeting organizer to get a baseline expectation and understanding of the size and composition of your audience. Don’t stop there. At the event, but prior to your presentation, talk to attendees and see where they are coming from, and what they expect. Learn a few names and stories so you can connect better with them.

Next – ask from the stage. To get the best connection and interaction, lead the audience with questions. Some rhetorical and some that require some sort of response. If your speech is the Toastmasters 5-7 minute variety, you may not need much interaction. But, if you’re doing a 20 minute session, or a 40-60 minute breakout, you’ll need to interact with the audience in a few times, at least.

Then – callback. As you learn from your audience, you need to callback to those responses later in your presentation. In this way, you strengthen your connection by showing that you heard and understood their response and that their opinion/story/etc. fit right in with what they’re learning from you. (Here’s a previous post on callbacks)

Finally – follow up. Is your job done when the speech is over? Probably not. Be available for follow-ups after the event, and make yourself available via e-mail or through your web page. This not only shows you care about more than the paycheck (or free publicity), but will help you make adjustments for future presentations.

Just like speaking to a friend or your boss, don’t monopolize the conversation in front of any audience. Get them involved early and often. You’ll connect, be memorable, and get called back. They may even clap when you’re done…

Have any of these happened to you?

1. Slow down your speaking. Have you ever been given this advice? You might think that the way to make this work is to add time to your presentation.

Better? Cut unnecessary content.

2. The speaker before you went over time. Should you just plow through your complete presentation? Even while the audience is checking in with their watches, and out on you?

Cut content.

3. We’re you asked to do your 40-minute keynote in 20 minutes? Should you plan to speed up your presentation?

You guessed it…cut content.

Is there a trick? No, just a process:

First, go back to the beginning. Ask yourself, “What is the point you expect your audience to walk away with?” Craig Valentine calls this your foundational phrase. If you can’t get it to 10 words or less, your audience won’t get it either.

Next, look at the content that doesn’t support this phrase. We all love anecdotes and quotes that sound good. Stephen Covey says, “Be Proactive”. If you only include them because they sound good without really supporting your point, you need to let them go. Cut them. Now.

Do you have any activities? Can you bring in something that takes less time? Maybe you can take that 5-minute group activity and replace it with a 2-minute one. I did that recently at a training…oh wait…you don’t need to hear that.

Take a close look at the stories you use. Do your stories have characters that aren’t important to the point? Are there any superfluous words or phrases? Let them go.

Are you adding commentary? Sometimes this may be valuable, but not always. Be sure adding your opinion supports the audiences needs. If you are doing it for yourself, cut it.

Having to figure out how to speak less can be annoying, but if you avoid cramming information in you can avoid cramming your audience out. It’s tough to do the first few (hundred) times, but once you master the skill of cutting out unnecessary content, you’ll be more effective when you do speak, and you’re audience will be more likely to want to hear you again.

1. Get feedback at every level. Ask someone, in advance, to give you an evaluation. Make it from a manual (CC projects # 2-6 always work, 9 and 10 may work as well) and ask them to keep the judging criteria in mind when they do. Use a different project each time you give the speech (both in practice at your club and at contests). This should be in addition to your coach (if you have one) so you get a fresh perspective.

Why? It blows me away to see someone not do well, then ask what they could have done differently. Some will even say, “I wish I could hear what the judges were looking for.” You don’t want to hear from them. They took just one minute to decide on your score. Then they concentrated on the next speaker. Get someone good to pay attention to you, and get some feedback you can use.

2. Don’t worry about the judges. Yeah, that’s easy to say, but there is more to winning a contest than being liked by the judges. Plus, they can tell when a speaker is talking just to them.

Why? They are looking for your skill as a speaker, and some things they take into account are how you reach your audience, and how the audience reacts to you. Make sure to remember your audience before you speak.

3. Watch your competition. See as much of them as you can stand. Visit other clubs (don’t judge – that’s a rules violation) and other Area and Division contests when you can. Carpool if you need to. Others are going.  

Why? There are some great techniques on display, and some colossal blunders you may want to avoid. Plus, seeing how different speakers use different room configurations and how audiences react can teach you volumes to improve your own speaking ability.

4. Get some help. I mentioned a coach in #1 above. There are professional options, but you don’t have to spend money to get help. You just have to decide how much time you have, and how much time/help you’ll need. Sometimes members of your club or a nearby club may be willing to help you. Just ask. Chances are you can find someone willing to help, even if it’s just a little.

Why? Practice helps you, but without feedback it has little value. It’s good to have someone to help you focus your practice and serve as a filter for all of the suggestions you’re going to hear.

5. Remember, it’s about being the best speaker, not just having the best speech. This one is a lot like #2 – easy to say, hard to prove. After all, the greatest speaker in the world won’t win with a dull, boring speech. But then, the greatest speaker in the world wouldn’t give a dull, boring speech either. The best would know their audience, know their message, and know themselves.

Why? That’s just how it is.

This advice may not be for you, but if you are in it to win it, you might want to consider doing more than you have before. Do your best…be your best…that’s what competing and winning is all about.

Editors note: If you are thinking about professional coaching, check out World Champions EDGE (Affiliate link). This is a great resource, and the first month is just $1.